calm down, your brain is boiling

I went from having my studies at McGill on my daily schedule, to having a new challenging job and my studies squeezed in the same schedule. People told me to take it easy and concentrate on my studies, I told myself not to start looking for a job but to enjoy and absorb the new knowledge I was given. 
Did I listen? ... No
When one makes decisions out of fear for a possible future outcome, one is possible making a wrong decision or at least a decision based on the wrong reasons. 
Did I do that? ... future will tell.
I have recently had to concentrate so carefully and push so much new knowledge in my brain that I am feeling that my brain is boiling. Small tasks started to feel hard. Listening to normal conversation felt hard. Talking felt hard.
I went to the pharmacy to get myself a facial cleanser, stood there looking at the different products wondering how I ever would be able to make a decision on what product to buy. I miss the Finnish pharmacies, small cute places with 3 or 4 options. Canadian pharmacies are huge, bigger than most supermarkets in Finland and the options are endless. So there I was half panicked about my upcoming purchase when a staff member walks up to me and asks me if she could assist me in anyway. I was just too tired and couldn't see myself explaining the situation, especially not in my 4th language, so I answered "no".  
My University studies are in English, that's my 3rd language. My previous jobs have all been bilingual as in French and English, in other words in my 3rd and 4th language. I recently went on a government web page of Sweden and read some information and was amazed how well I understood it. How easy it was to read. Well dah! It's in my mother tongue. 
At that moment I realized something.
Was I not feeling smart enough because I sometimes had to read a text a few times to really understand what I was reading? Or because I couldn't phrase myself sophisticatedly enough? ...Yes 
Should I instead use my energy being proud of how far I have come and think about all the things I am able to do in my repertoire of 5 languages and not feel inferior? ... Probably
That evening at the pharmacy, my boyfriend comes to my rescue. He walks up to me pretending to be part of the staff and asks me how he can help me. I tell him in a complaining voice that I need a liquid to wash my face with, because it's not good to use soap at my age. This thing of avoiding wrinkles or at least trying to avoid them. So he walks up to the the same woman I wasn't able to talk to and explains what was needed. She comes towards me and shows me a few options. I turn to my boyfriend feeling overwhelmed asking him what I should buy. After all he was the one who introduced me to the mascara I nowadays use, another surprising and weird store moment in my life, so maybe he was the best one to make this judgment on how to remove this same mascara off my face? He had no problem making the decision, neither dealing with the payment. I felt relieved and grateful to have my challenge over and done with and a few minutes later we crashed in bed. 
One pushes and pushes and pushes. Asking oneself to be faster, smarter, more creative more social, more this and more that. Feeling bad because you're not as great as you would want to be or living up to some weird standard you have created in your head. Or even worse, that somebody else has created in your head. 
I went from having plenty of time on my hands to read and study, enjoying fresh air and cooking good food for my beloved, to feeling bad at work for not being on top of it, feeling bad not to have time to study enough and then feeling bad for not being able to be the loving and cooking girlfriend I had been. I was given the gift of time but I ended up refusing it and chose running around like a headless chicken instead. Smart? No, not so much.
When my computer at work refused to recognize my last name as it is and instead try to suggest that my name is Boiling, I broke down and started laughing. I felt that it was universe's way of sending me a message "calm down, your brain is boiling".