Life is what happens

Pray to the forger of the sky, to forge the sky to be bright

Beg the weaver of the sky, to weave grey into clear

Glowing velvet from the darkness

To plait yearning to be beautiful

A chain of silver from longing

To strike the light to the black of their hammer

It was to these words my son came to the world. They were sang to him in Finnish.

We recently got to celebrate my son's 9 months and it happened to fall on the same day as we had our 6 year anniversary with my husband. 6 years as a duo, 9 months as a trio. 

This song is the song I turn to when I need the blood to pump in my veins. If I'm exhausted but I still need to keep on pushing. We had reach the stage of labour when I was ready to give up. It just felt so hopeless. I remember my husband asking me "Is it time for Rammstein?" I answered him "No, it's time for Ruoska, put Alasin". My son came out so fast that the doctor barely had time to enter the room. I was very grateful for the capable nurses. 

Poor heart in its chest

Beats its chains

Even though it pulls in rage

The link will never break

It sounds a million times better in Finnish and it reminds me of the strength we have inside of us if we just believe in it and don't give up. It's amazing how strong our bodies are. How the heart keeps on beating not matter how we push, pull and stretch. Especially when we are pregnant we understand to appreciate this machinery. We feel more in-tuned with ourselves but at the same time we let go of trying to control things because it's not really in our control. A very liberating feeling. Kinda like the one when you're a passenger on a plane. You can make sure to sleep, eat and go to the bathroom to feel better but it's really up to the pilot if the plane crashes or lands safely. During pregnancy, you can exercise and eat healthy but you put your and your baby's destiny in the hands of Mother Nature. 

We can push our body for quite some time and it just keeps on taking it. Rinsing the system over and over again. Repairing the damage. Pumping new fresh blood. Until one day it has had enough and just stops. 
Last week it stopped for a Finnish woman living in Montreal, she was only 49 years old. The body didn't care that she had 3 daughters left without a mother. It just decided that enough is enough. I can't even begin to imagine the sorrow her tree daughters are going through and the challenge of recovery they have in front of them. Life can be so cruel in so many ways.  

Life can be so many other things as well. Here in Queretaro people are starting to feel a sense of freedom and relief. That's what our trio is going through at least. Today restaurants, stores and parks are allowed to open up. Already on Monday I felt a sense of relief when I got to wake up and head to Zumba class. Just to see some friendly faces again and talk about the 3 challenging months behind us, felt really good. We all kept on smiling and laughing even if we kept saying things like; "we lost our work and don't know when our next salary will come in". "One day at a time". "Step by step". I feel this is what we all keep on repeating like a mantra to ourselves not to freak out. 

We have never had much control over life but I think we all have thought we did. Uncertainty is what we all have had to befriend. 

As for our trio. We are so far all in good health as far as we know and we have tickets back to Montreal in about two weeks. They already got canceled once and perhaps will so again but we keep on hoping that the plane will land us safely on Canadian land again. One day at a time ... now we are still in Queretaro and will enjoy the city a bit more until life will reveals its plans for us.