mixed emotions

The days go by with mixed emotions. Being grateful to be in good health, grateful for being in Mexico under the sun, grateful to be together as a family, grateful that we are now two to take care of the cooking and cleaning. The nights are quite warm, so the sleeping gets tricky at times but my husband is the one who takes care of our son during the night, so I get to sleep for 7 hours mostly. After 6 months of very poor sleep, I feel so fortunate. Fortunate and grateful.  And then there's the sun. It feels surreal to wake up to sunshine day in and day out. These are really good reasons to feel grateful and I am. I truly am. But there is this worry hiding under all this gratitude. When and how will this end? Will we keep on staying in good health or will something happen to us? We stayed home for a month going nowhere. Barely doing groceries. Just to the local store to buy veggies and fruits. Then we felt we needed to get out a bit to see the surroundings and do some proper groceries. So that's what we did, we went out.

We felt guilty and weird visiting places. Going to the groceries is necessary but visiting places with beautiful flower arrangements, is not.

We almost felt like criminals but we did bump in to other criminals from time to time, so it softened the guilt a bit.
It felt so sad to see these streets empty of people. Queretaro used to be a crowded place no matter were you went. If you went to a park on a Sunday, there would be no more space for you to sit down. Queretaro used to be a place were nobody would respect your private space. Queretaro's highways used to be full of crappy old cars and trucks driven by insanely poor drivers. That's not the case anymore. 
There's plenty of space on the highways and plenty of space on the benches in the parks.

  When you go to the groceries you are told to only be one family member, to wear a mask and keep a 2 meter distance to anybody. That they tell you while they quickly clean your cart with alcohol. They do say welcome and they do still wish you a good afternoon or evening or what ever time you happen to be there. People are still smiling and being friendly, the ones you do happen to see if you bother to look up from your own anxiety. It's impossible not to feel anxious when you do the groceries. You want to do it as fast as humanly possible. 
I can't help to feel that even if it's 33°c and the sun is shining that there's some kind of a dark cloud hanging over us. This cloud makes us more irritable, scared, selfish, worried, anxious, emotional, drained, tired. It's hard not to have mixed emotions through this pandemic.