figuring out the path

Like last time even this time we came here to Queretaro for my husbands work. I'm what they call a homemaker at the moment. When you have a baby you feel it's a bit more allowed to be home "doing nothing" (as men so respectfully say). 

My sweet baby does sleep a lot so I get to clean the house, do laundry etc quite undisturbed. I enjoy doing laundry here as I get to hang it out to dry in the sun. 

It feels like luxury to me as it's something that I haven't been able to do in either Finland nor Canada. Weather is one of the reasons and small apartments the other. 
I especially enjoy hanging the cute baby clothing to dry. I still have a hard time believing we have this tiny third member of the family... that he is actually here and not just a product of my vivid imagination. My husband still thanks me on daily basis for giving birth, so I don't think it has quite sunk in to him either.

Another thing that felt like luxury was to plant flowers outside in January ...

Now the challenge is to keep them alive. It has never been my strength and one of the reasons I thought motherhood was better left to others.

But to my sweet surprise the plants are already thanking me with some flowers, so maybe I'm not as bad at this as I thought.

My sweet son is 5 months and growing stronger and happier by the day. I admire his positivity and just hope I will be able to nurture it. 

To bring children to this world, the way our planet looks today, is pure madness. It's just horrible to think of all the challenges he has ahead of him. As a Swedish speaking Finn there is some kind of a justification for me to want procreate in order to keep our language and culture alive. We are slowly becoming extinct as having children is not very popular in my sweet country. The part that makes less sense is us being in Mexico ... one of the most populated countries in the world. Here the problem is not people not having children ... it's that people do not stop having children...   
But I know that this is temporary and I have a strong feeling that I will make it back to my roots eventually. 
When we flew here this time, we traveled for the first time ever as a Canadian family. I became a citizen a few weeks before and obviously my son was born Canadian. 

For the first time ever I had to put Canadian as nationality. It felt wrong in so many ways. I'm obviously grateful for dual citizenship. The Canadian flag is in my opinion really beautiful and maple syrup is extremely delicious but I felt I was traveling under false identity somehow. Sometimes one has to walk weird paths to reach one's destination. Especially when one is as lost as I am.

The paths I'm walking at the moment are definitely bumpy and certainly not stroller friendly, baby friendly or even human friendly but it gives me a strange sense of belonging.

And as I said, my baby sleeps a lot so I get to walk these bumpy roads quite undisturbed. He might wonder what on earth he is doing here ... but so do I